zorvek

12,729,984Expert Points
5,400Points this month
Qualified Expert
Member since: 11/05/2003

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Personal Description

Microsoft Excel MVP since 2007.

I consult for a living. I build applications using whatever tools are necessary - Excel, VB, Access, C++, HTML, Perl - whatever the job requires. If I can't do the work quickly and efficiently, there is someone else on my team who can. I specialize in evaluating business environments and devising optimal solutions that enable my customers to realize or exceed their expectations. I also design user interfaces that effectively provide intuitive faces on all types of software and web applications.

Contact me if you need serious help with real problems: sales at zorvek period com. These companies have: Gap, Chevron-Texaco, Informatica, salesforce.com, Axioma, Veritas Software, Intero Real Estate, Message One, Cognitive Investments, Dealer One, and America First Marketing.

If you have trouble getting through with the email address above then try zorvek at gmail period com.

If you want to chat then WLM or YIM: kjones at zorvek dot com. Have your balls on and be ready for truth.

If you want to donate to my humble existence: kjones-paypal at zorvek dot com.

Looking for that elusive October 2001 MSDN disk? I might be able to help. zorvek at gmail period com.

My name is Kevin Jones. I don't understand why people feel the need to hide their identity and why Experts Exchange has decided to not list our names in our profiles. I stand by everything I post on this and any other web site. I take full responsibility for the knowledge and information I publish and I am not afraid of any resulting consequences. My name is Kevin and I sign every post as such.

About the certifications above...I tried for years to only earn points in Excel. It was a silly objective but one I enjoyed. Keeping myself clean was how I thought of it. In February of 2007 Experts Exchange decided that cross posting questions in multiple zones was a good idea - I'm not judging that decision negatively or positively, it just happened - and I started accumulating points in all kinds of zones - zones I have never been in, had no desire to be in, and had no business being in. Microsoft Applications and General Office Suite Software go along with Excel so I can accept those certifications. And I actually do try to score a few points now and then in Visual Basic Programming when the Excel zone is slow. But, for the record, I have no expertise in Microsoft Operating Systems (other than reinstalling them every six months when they start crapping on my carpet), VB Script, Server, or any of the other zones that may now be showing up. The T-shirts are nice though.

EEPle. What a joke. Here is my rendition of me done my way that I use everywhere else: http://www.zorvek.com/images/zorvek.jpg Want your own? http://www.zorvek.com/avatars.

Experts-Exchange Milestones:
I earned some points today. Well, I tried...Rory, er, no, Saurabh and Dave got the rest.

Experts-Exchange Goals:
Converse with Nigel on Messenger...never mind...how about just see Nigel answer a question again :-(
See Harish get married...where the hell did Harish go, anyway? Harish?
Teach Matt how to indent...hopeless...he'll quit smoking before he indents. I think he did but he seems to have gone AWOL.
Find out where Shane went...wait, he's back, no...he's gone again...I sat next to him on a bus at the MVP Summit!!!
Convince Jaes to get a haircut - I think he did but I need proof...Found it: http://www.nycswim.org/Resource/ShowPhoto.aspx?Picture_ID=6531
See Jefferey's tool hit the market. I think it did. He must be bored because he is now taking over Washington.
Visit Sal in Italy.
Receive something other than points or a T-shirt...then again there is the fan mail...

Fan Mail:
http:Q_21962391.html#a17362613 "You guys saved my bacon on this project, THANKS!"
http:Q_21966131.html#a17384329 "YEAH YES INDEED..........I'll never let my subscription to the site lapse again"
http:Q_21967539.html#a17390782 "Me one happy bunny now....!"
http:Q_21987040.html#a17507239 "I love you!...Not to be gay or anything... Haha"
http:Q_21994047.html#a17547985 "Kevin, you are God!"
http:Q_22014688.html#a17672545 "Absolute Perfection!!!"
http:Q_22012642.html#a17675067 "BRILLIANT!!! It's wonderfully stable and faster, thanks a LOT!"
http:Q_22019709.html#a17702035 "How the hell did you answer me so fast?!!!"
http:Q_22021426.html#a17711837 "WoW Ho. You're the best. Thanks for the quick help!"
http:Q_22028172.html#a17753291 "Ohhhhh YEAH!! That's exactly what I was talking about - Thank you so much. You rock!"
http:Q_22048616.html#a17871731 "Holy Crap - I hope you just had that lying around and didn't code it up for me! That is absolutely incredible!"
http:Q_22101183.html#a18184506 "Brilliant. I shall name my next born child "Kevin"."
http:Q_22116601.html#a18284118 "This is so much better and more info than from MSDN."
http:Q_22119398.html#a18295779 "OH MY GAWD... KEVIN, THANK YOU! You are a Experts-Exchange GENIUS! How much I love you I cannot explain. Bless your beautiful mind. :)"
http:Q_22124693.html#a18327643 "I am speechless. It is such a pleasure to read your masterful code pieces. You may qualify as VBA Mozart."
http:Q_22138895.html#a18410107 "Works! Thanks.... you are awesome at this stuff."
http:Q_22141527.html#a18424830 "You are a god. :-)"
http:Q_22396713.html#a18558926 "Man, you make it look oh so simple."
http:Q_22480587.html#a18818193 "YOU ARE AWESOME! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!"
http:Q_22568687.html#a19079635 "THX! ha ya, you're just too awesome at this program"
http:Q_22631575.html#a19275910 "Peachy. That last one works perfectly. When you have no more use for your brain - mail it to me!!!"
http:Q_22674327.html#a19424879 "Nothing personal, but I love you man!"
http:Q_23293282.html#a21284287 "THAT'S IT!!! You rock!! This is SO much easier than my first idea ... thank you!"
http:Q_23306053.html#a21316127 "That is BRILLIANT!!! Thank you Kevin."
http:Q_23356685.html#a21448538 "I love you, I love you. I love you. Thank you so much. :)"
http:Q_23503931.html#a21838908 "This is fascinating...kind a metaphysical existence...if Issac Asimov would still be alive...this piece of code it would sparked an idea for a science fiction novel"
http:Q_23634779.html#a22195651 "zorvek, once more I am in awe of your mad skills :)"
http:Q_23639198.html#a22214583 "You are so totally awesome. That works perfectly."
http:Q_23692961.html#a22363787 "You are a legend. One more question... are you a robot? ... your responses don't have any trace of human error. You must be some sort of AI."
http:Q_23815507.html#a22724960 "You seem like a ridiculously stellar Excel genius."
http:Q_23830842.html#a22761685 "you are awesome. i'm going to get "kevin is the greatest!" tatooed around my left nipple. it'll be in skin tone ink, but we'll both know it's there. i'm in awe."
http:Q_25001381.html#a26117997 "I always knew you are a living legend...but this was the first time I had the pleasure to raise a question which was solved by you...I don't have words to thank you...YOU ARE GREAT. :)"
http:Q_25042066.html#a26279480 "Dang. I think it would have taken me 3 months to come up with that. Thank you."
http:Q_25051820.html#a26308642 "WOAH,it worked! - AWESOME!! thank you soo very much!!!! u the man :)
http:Q_25343275.html#a27621362 "SAAWWEEEETTTT!!!!!!!!! YOU GUYS ARE F'ING AWESOOOMMEE!!!"
http:Q_26942254.html#a35348826 "Immediate and brilliant. Thank you!"
http:Q_26945247.html#a35359158 "Kevin, you're a rock star. Spent so much time on this. You got it immediately and helped me see a different angle. Thanks so much."
http:Q_26946372.html#a35363255 "Just tried it then and it's fantastic, thanks for your help and time Kevin!! I appreciate it!"
http:Q_27558641.html#a37513263 "Zorvek went way above and beyond to get this resolved wish I could have given 4x the points."

Accolades:
http:Q_21153244.html - Breaking into the Excel top 10 list on 1 Oct 2004
http:Q_21167757.html - Reaching Guru certification level in Excel on 13 Oct 2004
http:Q_21214389.html - Reaching Wizard certification level in Excel on 20 Nov 2004
http:Q_21249169.html - Reaching Sage certification level in Excel on 20 Dec 2004
http:Q_21453373.html - Reaching Genius certification level in Excel on 9 Jun 2005
http:Q_21644455.html - Reaching second Genius certification level on 27 Nov 2005
http:Q_21856343.html - Reaching third Genius certification level on 18 May 2006
http:Q_22036003.html - Reaching fourth Genius certification level on 24 Oct 2006
http:Q_22158757.html - Reaching fifth Genius certification level on 11 Feb 2007
http:Q_23829155.html - Reaching Savant certification level on 20 Oct 2008

Wackiest question in which I participated: http:Q_21407772.html

Funniest posts, period. Also known as the Daryl Fong incident. Note in each that Wakeup becomes increasingly agitated:

http:Q_20630877.html#a8610905
http:Q_20591571.html#a8603299
http:Q_20629800.html#a8613054
http:Q_20630014.html#a8610509

There are more along with some CS questions as the folks in charge tried to figure out who Fong was. In the end about 10 accounts were suspended and the Fong legend was born.

Most fun question (the workbook, the hexagonal cell, and the post conference gang of geeks): http:Q_23654024.html

Trivia:
www.experts-exchange.com was originally www.expertsexchange.com.

Riddles:

Question: How many Experts does it take to write an Excel formula?
Answer: Post a question asking for one in the Excel zone - the easier the better, ignore it for a few hours or a week, and then tabulate the fun.

Question: How do you know when you have been using Excel for too long?
Answer: When someone says to you "FU2" and you think they are referring to a cell.
[Courtesy of Mr. Tim Zych, author of Workbook Compare http://www.higherdata.com ]

Quotes:
http:Q_23509410.html#a21851394: "It's not the size of the formula, it's how you enter it that counts.", rorya

Puzzlers:
What happened to Jay XP310 Gustafson?
Who nominated me Douche of the Year?
Where did "zorvek" come from?

Javascript to make those EE pages a little more fun:

Enlarge text entry fields: javascript:(function(){try{document.getElementById('textBottom').style.height='600px'}catch(e){}; try{document.getElementById('text').style.height='600px'}catch(e){}; try{document.getElementsByName('mcBody')[0].style.height='600px'}catch(e){}; try{document.getElementsByName('profile')[0].style.height='600px'}catch(e){}})()

Javascript to load various ranking pages (change "zorvek", "604", and "5297" to your handle and zone ID):

Today
javascript:curdate=new%20Date();year=curdate.getYear();if%20(year<2000)%20year+=1900;document.location.href='http://www.experts-exchange.com/experts.jsp?etIndex=4&expertName=zorvek&filterMonth='+(curdate.getMonth()+1)+'&filterDay='+curdate.getDate()+'&filterYear='+year+'&zoneID=5297&subZoneID=604&oldZoneID=5297&submit=&mrDisplayCount=50&psDisplayCount=1#expertTools';

Yesterday
javascript:curdate=new%20Date();curdate.setDate(curdate.getDate()-1);year=curdate.getYear();if%20(year<2000)%20year+=1900;document.location.href='http://www.experts-exchange.com/experts.jsp?etIndex=4&expertName=zorvek&filterMonth='+(curdate.getMonth()+1)+'&filterDay='+curdate.getDate()+'&filterYear='+year+'&zoneID=5297&subZoneID=604&oldZoneID=5297&submit=&mrDisplayCount=50&psDisplayCount=1#expertTools';

Current Month
javascript:curdate=new%20Date();year=curdate.getYear();if%20(year<2000)%20year+=1900;document.location.href='http://www.experts-exchange.com/experts.jsp?etIndex=4&expertName=zorvek&filterMonth='+(curdate.getMonth()+1)+'&filterDay=&filterYear='+year+'&zoneID=5297&subZoneID=604&oldZoneID=5297&submit=&mrDisplayCount=50&psDisplayCount=1#expertTools';

Last Month
javascript:curdate=new%20Date();year=curdate.getYear();if%20(year<2000)%20year+=1900;month=curdate.getMonth()-1;if%20(month<0)%20month=month+12;document.location.href='http://www.experts-exchange.com/experts.jsp?etIndex=4&expertName=zorvek&filterMonth='+(month+1)+'&filterDay=&filterYear='+year+'&zoneID=5297&subZoneID=604&oldZoneID=5297&submit=&mrDisplayCount=50&psDisplayCount=1#expertTools';

Current Year
javascript:curdate=new%20Date();year=curdate.getYear();if%20(year<2000)%20year+=1900;document.location.href='http://www.experts-exchange.com/experts.jsp?etIndex=4&expertName=zorvek&filterMonth=&filterDay=&filterYear='+year+'&zoneID=5297&subZoneID=604&oldZoneID=5297&submit=&mrDisplayCount=50&psDisplayCount=1#expertTools';

Was this your lucky day? Make me happy and buy me lunch. See above for how to send those happy bucks.

Skills and Expertise

Personal Website:

www.zorvek.com

Expertise:

Guru

Experience:

50 years and over

Primary site use:

T-shirts

Employment

Company:

Monkey Business, Inc.

Occupation / Title:

Logic Jock/Slap Boy

Division:

Coding and Stuff

Experience:

50 years and over

Education

School Name:

Hard Knocks

Education Level:

Master

Years in Industry:

50 years and over

Hobbies

Answering Excel questions.

Date	Points	Title	Activity	Grade	Topic
02/03/12	500	How do I use already existing Na…	Accepted	A	Microsoft Exc…
02/03/12	500	Excell 2007 VBA - Workshe…	Accepted	A	Microsoft Exc…
02/01/12	0	Excel Zone Expert Discussion, …	Accepted	A	Microsoft Exc…
01/30/12	500	Excel - Set Default for OptionBu…	Accepted	A	Microsoft Offi…
01/30/12	500	How do I use InStr Function to Te…	Accepted	A	Microsoft Exc…
01/30/12	500	What does the "$" do in sPath…	Accepted	A	Microsoft Exc…
01/30/12	500	Excel 2007 problem	Assisted	A	Microsoft Exc…
01/29/12	500	Formula to extract the character…	Accepted	A	Microsoft Exc…
01/28/12	500	Not Copy Macros	Accepted	A	Microsoft Exc…
01/28/12	500	How do I declare a public array v…	Accepted	A	Microsoft Exc…
01/27/12	500	Excel 2003	Assisted	A	Microsoft Exc…
01/27/12	500	vba to forward an email choosin…	Accepted	A	Outlook Group…
01/27/12	500	Excel offset formula not working	Accepted	A	Microsoft Exc…
01/27/12	500	Delete a private sub from a work…	Accepted	A	Microsoft Exc…
01/27/12	500	Need MS Excel VBA Macro	Accepted	A	Microsoft Appl…
01/26/12	500	How do I run Excel Code when u…	Accepted	A	Microsoft Exc…
01/26/12	500	Hide Rows	Accepted	A	Microsoft Exc…
01/25/12	500	excel 2007 and formulas	Accepted	A	Microsoft Exc…
01/25/12	250	Excel 2010 UsedRange.Ro…	Assisted	A	Microsoft Exc…
01/25/12	500	Word VBA API listing Excel insta…	Accepted	A	Visual Basic P…

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Hall Of Fame

zorvek

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Savant10,000,000

Sage500,000

Guru150,000

Master50,000

Community Volunteer

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Skills and Expertise

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Experience:

Primary site use:

Employment

Company:

Occupation / Title:

Division:

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