ejabberd or openfire - which is better?

I am looking to begin testing a jabber server and looking for opinions on using ejabberd or openfire.   Here is some background info:

Have an existing dating site which is subscription based so it is a closed community.  We want to implement basic chat functionality.  Userbase is about 1200 and is on postgresql db.  May grow but unlikely to get past 8,000 total users.  

MUST HAVE:
- Free or less than $2,000 for setup
- Postgresql or  MySQL on fedora or RH linux.  Postgresql preferred
- Need a Web based client with minimal functionality that can be branded
- Need a Windows installable client with robust functionality that can be branded
- Both windows and web clients must be open so we can customize features if needed
- The web client and the windows client should be able to easily chat with each other

NICE TO HAVE:
- Stable and reliable.  This will be a commercial site so stability is more important that cool features.

- Ability to talk to asterisk to communicate client presence states  (ie. available, on a phone call, etc..)

- Ability to synchronize jabber user database with existing postgresql database.  Their current users are in  postgres database.  Is there a way that the jabber server can automatically create a user each time a new registration occurs on the dating web site?  Is there a way to keep two postgresql user databases in sync?  I see some talk about jabber working with active directory and using ldap but not sure it applies here.   Basically looking for a way to automate new user registration on jabber.   This is a closed community so we would only add jabber users when a new sign up from the website occurs.  This would be a HUGE feature.

- Simple to administer after it is set up

- Should have a lot of client software options we can pick from to test and brand.
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We are currently looking at ejabberd or openfire.  We looked at jabber xcp but looks to be cost prohibitive. Open to other suggestions but leaning toward some flavor of jabber.  What is your opinion?  Looking for someone with experience who can recommend a solution based on my needs.  And address the must have and nice to have list.  

Thanks experts, I appreciate all input.