I spend my spare time searchng through rubbish dumps for used tennis balls, and being chased by the guard dogs. I can distract them by throwing a tennis ball in the opposite direction, and making them chase that instead.
On Saturdays I like to hang out in Birmingham city centre and tell people about OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST. Children laugh at me and I cry. I eat food to feel happy again.
When Boro win I am happy, and when they lose I am sad. When they draw I feel strangly frustrated. Mostly, they make me sad. My trousers are too tight and the knees are shiney. Sometimes I don't mind this.
During the week I am an IT consultant. I work in a big office with lots of people who don't talk to me. I have no idea what my job is, but they pay me lots of money and don't seem to have noticed that I spend all day surfing the net. Sometimes I have to sit in meetings. I understand little of what is said, as the management speaks in a strange language which is hard to follow. "Going forward the tasks will be actioned in a more pro-active fashion". I just nod and smile. No-one smiles back.
At home I eat more food, which I hide from the spiders. I close my eyes while I eat, so they can't see me. Then I head back to the rubbish dump to find more tennis balls.