zorvek (Kevin Jones)
Consultant
  • United States
Member Since: 2003/11/05
Industry: Computer & IT
Top Skills:
Tech Certifications:
Savant
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Excel, SQL Server, VBA Automation/VB. Please do ask for assistance for any other technical areas.

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Points this month0
Total points13,232,099
Questions: 158
Solutions: 9148
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Group Discussions: 39
Live: 3
Professional Background
Logic Jock/Slap Boy
Monkey Business, Inc.
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Education
Hard Knocks
Master
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Full Biography

Microsoft Excel MVP since 2007.

I consult for a living. I build applications using whatever tools are necessary - Excel, VB, Access, C++, HTML, Perl - whatever the job requires. If I can't do the work quickly and efficiently, there is someone else on my team who can. I specialize in evaluating business environments and devising optimal solutions that enable my customers to realize or exceed their expectations. I also design user interfaces that effectively provide intuitive faces on all types of software and web applications.

Contact me if you need serious help with real problems by sending an email: use the domain zorvek dot com and the address "consulting". These companies have: Gap, Chevron-Texaco, Informatica, salesforce.com, Axioma, Veritas Software, Intero Real Estate, Message One, Cognitive Investments, Dealer One, and America First Marketing.

If you have trouble getting through with the email address above then try the domain gmail dot com and the address "zorvek".

If you want to chat then Skype the handle "zorvek".

If you want to donate to my humble existence then use the domain zorvek dot com and the address "kjones ".

Looking for that elusive October 2001 MSDN disk? I might be able to help.

My name is Kevin Jones. I don't understand why people feel the need to hide their identity. I stand by everything I post on this and any other web site. I take full responsibility for the knowledge and information I publish and I am not afraid of any resulting consequences. My name is Kevin and I sign every post as such.

Experts-Exchange Milestones:
I earned some points today. Well, I tried...Rory, er, no, Saurabh and Dave got the rest.

Experts-Exchange Goals:
Receive something other than points or a T-shirt...then again there is the fan mail...

Fan Mail:
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/21962391#a17362613 "You guys saved my bacon on this project, THANKS!"
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/21966131#a17384329 "YEAH YES INDEED..........I'll never let my subscription to the site lapse again"
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/21967539#a17390782 "Me one happy bunny now....!"
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/21987040#a17507239 "I love you!...Not to be gay or anything... Haha"
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/21994047#a17547985 "Kevin, you are God!"
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/22014688#a17672545 "Absolute Perfection!!!"
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/22012642#a17675067 "BRILLIANT!!! It's wonderfully stable and faster, thanks a LOT!"
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/22019709#a17702035 "How the hell did you answer me so fast?!!!"
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/22021426#a17711837 "WoW Ho. You're the best. Thanks for the quick help!"
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/22028172#a17753291 "Ohhhhh YEAH!! That's exactly what I was talking about - Thank you so much.  You rock!"
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/22048616#a17871731 "Holy Crap - I hope you just had that lying around and didn't code it up for me! That is absolutely incredible!"
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/22101183#a18184506 "Brilliant.  I shall name my next born child "Kevin"."
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/22116601#a18284118 "This is so much better and more info than from MSDN."
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/22119398#a18295779 "OH MY GAWD... KEVIN, THANK YOU!  You are a Experts-Exchange GENIUS! How much I love you I cannot explain.  Bless your beautiful mind.  :)"
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/22124693#a18327643 "I am speechless. It is such a pleasure to read your masterful code pieces. You may qualify as VBA Mozart."
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/22138895#a18410107 "Works!   Thanks.... you are awesome at this stuff."
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/22141527#a18424830 "You are a god. :-)"
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/22396713#a18558926 "Man, you make it look oh so simple."
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/22480587#a18818193 "YOU ARE AWESOME! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!"
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/22568687#a19079635 "THX!  ha ya, you're just too awesome at this program"
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/22631575#a19275910 "Peachy. That last one works perfectly. When you have no more use for your brain - mail it to me!!!"
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/22674327#a19424879 "Nothing personal, but I love you man!"
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/23293282#a21284287 "THAT'S IT!!! You rock!! This is SO much easier than my first idea ... thank you!"
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/23306053#a21316127 "That is BRILLIANT!!! Thank you Kevin."
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/23356685#a21448538 "I love you, I love you. I love you. Thank you so much. :)"
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/23503931#a21838908 "This is fascinating...kind a metaphysical existence...if Issac Asimov would still be alive...this piece of code it would sparked an idea for a science fiction novel"
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/23634779#a22195651 "zorvek, once more I am in awe of your mad skills :)"
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/23639198#a22214583 "You are so totally awesome. That works perfectly."
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/23692961#a22363787 "You are a legend. One more question... are you a robot? ... your responses don't have any trace of human error. You must be some sort of AI."
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/23815507#a22724960 "You seem like a ridiculously stellar Excel genius."
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/23830842#a22761685 "you are awesome. i'm going to get "kevin is the greatest!" tatooed around my left nipple. it'll be in skin tone ink, but we'll both know it's there. i'm in awe."
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/25001381#a26117997 "I always knew you are a living legend...but this was the first time I had the pleasure to raise a question which was solved by you...I don't have words to thank you...YOU ARE GREAT. :)"
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/25042066#a26279480 "Dang.  I think it would have taken me 3 months to come up with that.  Thank you."
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/25051820#a26308642 "WOAH,it worked! - AWESOME!! thank you soo very much!!!! u the man :)
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/25343275#a27621362 "SAAWWEEEETTTT!!!!!!!!! YOU GUYS ARE F'ING AWESOOOMMEE!!!"
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/26942254#a35348826 "Immediate and brilliant. Thank you!"
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/26945247#a35359158 "Kevin, you're a rock star. Spent so much time on this. You got it immediately and helped me see a different angle. Thanks so much."
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/26946372#a35363255 "Just tried it then and it's fantastic, thanks for your help and time Kevin!! I appreciate it!"
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/27558641#a37513263 "Zorvek went way above and beyond to get this resolved wish I could have given 4x the points."

Accolades:
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/21153244 - Breaking into the Excel top 10 list on 1 Oct 2004
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/21167757 - Reaching Guru certification level in Excel on 13 Oct 2004
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/21214389 - Reaching Wizard certification level in Excel on 20 Nov 2004
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/21249169 - Reaching Sage certification level in Excel on 20 Dec 2004
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/21453373 - Reaching Genius certification level in Excel on 9 Jun 2005
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/21644455 - Reaching second Genius certification level on 27 Nov 2005
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/21856343 - Reaching third Genius certification level on 18 May 2006
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/22036003 - Reaching fourth Genius certification level on 24 Oct 2006
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/22158757 - Reaching fifth Genius certification level on 11 Feb 2007
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/23829155 - Reaching Savant certification level on 20 Oct 2008

Wackiest question in which I participated: https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/21407772

Funniest posts, period. Also known as the Daryl Fong incident. Note in each that Wakeup becomes increasingly agitated:

https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/20630877#a8610905
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/20591571#a8603299
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/20629800#a8613054
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/20630014#a8610509

There are more along with some CS questions as the folks in charge tried to figure out who Fong was. In the end about 10 accounts were suspended and the Fong legend was born.

Most fun question (the workbook, the hexagonal cell, and the post conference gang of geeks): https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/23654024

Trivia:
www.experts-exchange.com was originally www.expertsexchange.com.

Riddles:

Question: How many Experts does it take to write an Excel formula?
Answer: Post a question asking for one in the Excel zone - the easier the better, ignore it for a few hours or a week, and then tabulate the fun.

Question: How do you know when you have been using Excel for too long?
Answer: When someone says to you "FU2" and you think they are referring to a cell.
[Courtesy of Mr. Tim Zych, author of Workbook Compare http://www.higherdata.com]
Good luck Mr. Zych - wherever you are.

Quotes:
https://www.experts-exchange.com/questions/23509410#a21851394: "It's not the size of the formula, it's how you enter it that counts.", rorya

Puzzlers:
Who nominated me Douche of the Year?
Where did "zorvek" come from?

Was this your lucky day? Make me happy and buy me lunch. See above for how to send those happy bucks.

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Level Progress

Current: Level 81
zorvek (Kevin Jones) needs 215,901 points to level up.
LVL 82
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