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How much wood?

Posted on 2004-04-19
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Last Modified: 2007-12-19
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?  (Maybe this was more of a philosophy and religion question....)

Answers other people have already thought of:

1.  A woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
2.  17  (see South Park Awesom-o episode)
3.  Viagara.
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Question by:hlygrail
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7 Comments
 
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Assisted Solution

by:ozo
ozo earned 200 total points
ID: 10865438
0
 
LVL 18

Expert Comment

by:WaterStreet
ID: 10865949
Ozo,

You pointed to the best answer I ever heard to this question.
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LVL 56

Assisted Solution

by:andyalder
andyalder earned 200 total points
ID: 10867651
According to "The Ability of Woodchucks to Chuck Cellulose Fibers," by P.A. Paskevich and T.B. Shea a woodchuck can chuck 361.9237001 cubic centimeters of wood per day.

You'll have to buy the best of annals of improbable research to confirm this though.
www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0716730944/annalsofimprobab/103-9039679-2005450
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LVL 4

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by:
Arawn earned 200 total points
ID: 10868431
The question can't be answered because you haven't provided enough details. For instance:

1. Are you talking about a Canadian or an American woodchuck? Canadian woodchucks are pre-occupied watching the hockey playoffs right now and won't be available for any wood chucking until early June when the playoffs end.
2. Are you talking about chucking during the winter or summer months? Because woodchucks hibernate, so if you were talking about winter chucking, the answer would be zero.
3. What sort of wood are you talking about? Because woodchucks can chuck quite a bit of the lighter woods like pine or balsa, but they are pretty useless when it comes to oak, and the little dirt pigs are downright incompetent when you try to get them to chuck petrified wood.
4. How far do you want them to chuck the wood? Because if you are planning on clearing an acre of land, and you want the woodchucks to clear the whole acre, I have to say that you are going to be disappointed. The little buggers are terrible at using heavy tree-felling equipment like bulldozers - hell, they haven't even mastered the chainsaw. However, if you just want the little nippers to knock over a twig and move it a centimetre, you should be OK.
5. How long a day do you plan for them to work? Are you talking a regular 8 hour day, or did you plan to crack the whip and get them to work harder? (I will have to notify PETA if you are planning to use unfair labour practices against the woodchucks.)
6. Are the woodchucks unionized or not? Are they paid for distance chucked, amount chucked, or by the hour? (The pay factors  into the incentive to chuck.)

So, maybe you should rephrase the question to something like, "How much pine wood can a unionized Canadian woodchuck, making $10 per hour and working a regular 8 hour day during the summer months with an hour long lunch and two fifteen minute coffee breaks, chuck for a distance of 2cm if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"
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Expert Comment

by:_TAD_
ID: 10869358


Here is another site that accurately describes all of the components and goes so far as to answer the big question.  

700lbs.

http://www.easttennessean.com/news/2004/03/25/Lifestyle/Wood-Chucked.From.Woodchuck.Measured-641969.shtml


Although this is the same answer given by Ozo's link.... It's on the web, it must be true!





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LVL 22

Expert Comment

by:_TAD_
ID: 10869367


This question is akin to Monty Python's famous question:

"What is the air-speed velocity of an unlaiden swallow"?

http://www.style.org/unladenswallow/
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Author Comment

by:hlygrail
ID: 10869557
Points tripled by 3, so's everyone gets some pie.  Ozo got the first 700lb reference.  So for weight, volume, pontification, we have 3 winners.
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