I need a help to correct this text in english

hidrau used Ask the Experts™
Hello guys

I have an english text that I wrote,
I'd like someone could take a look at it and tell me the mistakes.
You can correct it directly in DOC

I thank very much
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I don't think that there are many mistakes. But here are some changes that I came up with, all are highlighted.
Klaatu01Network Operations Center Analyst
Here is another version by me.  I did not read the competing version of jmiller.

I do not know what "palrnetto" is so I am unable to suggest an alternative word.

Also, did McCartney want "an apple pie" or "a slice of apple pie"?  It is difficult to tell because some time a person will get an entire pie to carry-out and eat at a later time.

I have adjusted the spacing within the document to include two (2) spaces after each "." (period, or end of a sentence), and I have color-coded the changes are RED text.


awking00Information Technology Specialist
I suspect this is a homework assignment, so I'll provide a corrected version. One of the issues here is the document is using conversational english, which is often quite different from written english, so some latitude for "correct english" is probably allowed. Still, there are some areas that need improvement. As I mentioned in another question, you do not need to use so many exclamation points ("!") as they are intended to denote a strong emphasis. "Also some ice!" makes it seems like "You had better get me some ice, damn it!" Even in conversational english, sentences should generally not begin with conjunctions or prepositions. Another rule of english (although there may be more exceptions than rules) is when the word "too" is used at the end of a sentence, it should be preceded by a comma ( e.g. "I am hungry, too."). There are also a number of word usage issues in this passage, which are understandable for someone whose native language is not english.  The one glaring misusage is that of the word, gentleness, which connotes being docile and I think the intent here was to accept his kindness or generosity. There are also a couple of verb tense issues and singular versus plural uses of some words. See if there are any you suspect and we'll try to help show you how they might be improved.

The word is palmetto (with the lowercase letter, 'M", not "rn") and, here in the U.S. (I believe the U.K as well), it refers to "hearts of palm" that is often used as a "highend" salad ingredient.
awking00Information Technology Specialist

I meant to say I'll not provide a corrected version.


thanks very much

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