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Writing Help

Need Writing help.  Can you help me with this?  I just want it to sound professional.

What are some of the "emerging technologies" of five years ago? Ten years ago? Which were successful, and which were unsuccessful?
“Emerging Technologies” of ten years ago
Peer-to-Peer computing – Successful
      Distributed computing and peer-to-peer computer is the result of increased bandwidth and increased processing needs such as information sharing, file sharing and printer sharing (Herring, 2000).
Upstaging dot.com – Unsuccessful
Bricks and mortar retailer upstaged the beginning of the dot.com revolution thus insisting the venture capitalist to stick to the basics.  They believe the old ways of doing business is the right way (Herring, 2000).  
Transformation of the military - Successful
September 11, 2000 terror attacks hastened the transformation of military and internal security because they were responding to the new global wars, which resulted in a dependency on the primacy of intelligence and also the usage of technologies such as the robot aircraft, night vision goggles, battlefield computing networks, automatic bomb detections, facial scanning and  anti-bioterrorism devices (Herring, 2002).
NTT DoCoMo's Internet-enabled cell phones – Successful
Acceptance of the NTT DoCoMo's Internet enabled cell phone has Japan’s cellular phones leading the Asian countries towards fixed line of infrastructures and then wireless (Herring, 2000).
Red Herring touts nanotech – Successful
Nanotechnology like one Red Herring touts is an industrial revolution that has been stated for the decade. Nanotech has been cutting across lots of technological fields like materials, heat and also electrical transmission, molecular electronics and also the miniature sensors. Nanotech may blossom faster than biotech because it is not subject to time consuming clinical trials and FDA regulatory processes (Herring, 2002).
Functional genomics – Successful
Functional genomics may change methods f how the latest drugs are developed and also increase our understanding about disease processes (Herring, 2000).
Emerging Technology five years ago
Blogs - Successful
      Blogs began as online diaries that conceal the difficulties of Web site publishing. They are shared and allow postings from readers. Comments are reviewed, and tracked periodically. Blogs are easily linked to other website. And, there are search engines for blogs such as Technorati.  Today, there are millions of blogs (Wilkins, 2005).
 Wikis - Successful
      Wiki permit easy collaboration editing of its content.  Mistakes are corrected effortlessly.   Like Blogs, the complexity of the HTML is not immediately apparent. There are more than 700,000+ Wikipedia articles, 10,000+ Wikitionary definitions, and 5,000+ Wikiquote quotes.  Wikis are shared and changes are tracked (Wilkins, 2005).  
Really Simple Syndication - Successful
      Blogs and wikis support RSS.  RSS used to record published articles and when a article is published.  Once an article, blog, or wiki is change the changes are readily available and the data  is repurposed.  Users can find information without difficulty.   XML stores the information (Wilkins, 2005)
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Flash memory.   Initially conceived for small capacity non-volatile storage Flash has evolved into a viable replacement for many data storage applications formally provided by magnetic tape and disk.  E.G. portable data storage and transport, cameras, camcorders, tablet PC mass storage.

Digital imaging.  35mm film is now completely obsolete and even the pro photogs use digital these days for most of their work. The last frontier was X-ray imaging and while a few doctors and dentists still use film their numbers are waning.

GPS.  GPS is becoming the mainstay of aerial navigation and with the addition of WAAS (geosynchronous satellites broadcasting atmospheric corrections collected by a network of ground stations) GPS vertical navigation is accurate enough to replace the 1940's UHF Instrument Landing System glideslope signal.  The FAA has set a course to supplement and eventually replace aircraft tracking radar with GPS by requiring all aircraft to broadcast their position as determined by an onboard GPS.  GPS tracking devices have found a huge number of applications, in many cases providing services that were heretofore unavailable at any cost.  GPS is also used as a relatively inexpensive timing source (most cellphone networks won't work without it).  Classical surveying techniques are rapidly going away with special GPS equipment capable of measuring great distances with centimeter accuracy or better.  In many cases this has resulted in minor shifts of property lines.  It's even used to monitor the movement of tectonic plates on the Earth's surface.
Hi assualtkitty

Who exactly do you want your .... actually, I don't really know what to call it other than a "summary" .... to sound professional to?

Is this a dissertation of some kind, or a college assignment, and who is the proposed target audience.

The danger of summarising technical content into single paragraphs for each heading is that it can end up too condensed and either not make sense or even be wrong.  Take this one:

Peer-to-Peer computing – Successful

Distributed computing and peer-to-peer computer is the result of increased bandwidth and increased processing needs such as information sharing, file sharing and printer sharing (Herring, 2000).

First of all, "Peer-to-Peer computing – Successful" is a heading, and I would suggest using "Title Case" (or as referred to as "Start Case" HERE):
"Peer-to-Peer Computing – Successful"
These headings need to be consistent throughout, and I would suggest leaving off the leading indents.

"Distributed computing and peer-to-peer computer is ..."
"peer-to-peer computer" is an error.  You need more than one computer.  It should be "peer-to-peer computing" or "peer-to-peer computers", depending on what you are saying.  I think you mean "computing".  You are also referring to more than one technology, so the singular "is" should be changed to "are".

Regarding the content of that paragraph, I find myself thinking of the "what came first, the chicken or the egg?" scenario.  What actually spawned what?  Did the needs demand new technology, or did the emerging technology allow something that was previously desired but not feasible at the time?  It's not clear from the above paragraph, so I would start at the end like this:

The increasing need to process more data and share more information placed demands on available bandwidth.  Increasing bandwidths allowed for a greater amount of information sharing, and inevitably led to Peer-to-Peer networking.

Something like that would sound better to me as a reader, although it's just a quick example of how rewording helps to "step" the reader through the development in a logical order.

"Red Herring touts nanotech – Successful
Nanotechnology like one Red Herring touts is an industrial revolution that has been stated for the decade

It doesn't make sense.  What has been "stated" and who "stated" it.  It leaves me wondering if you meant "started", but you didn't.  I had to look up who or what "Red Herring" is.  Probably my fault for not being abreast of "trends", but you have this in the "emerging technologies of the last 10 years", so not only do you need punctuation in that sentence but also the tense is wrong, or else you need to quote part of it.

I'm not sure where you got that paragraph from, or if it is from a combination of sources reinterpreted by you, but at the above linked page it is given as this:

3. Nanotechnology.  Red Herring touts nanotech as "no less than the next industrial revolution," which I have stated publicly for a decade.

Shouldn't your interpretation be something like this?:

Nanotechnology, as one Red Herring touted as "an industrial revolution" has been significant in the last decade.

I'm trying not to be too critical of the actual content, because I don't have time to read it all and you haven't added blank lines to lay it out properly and make reading easier, but you really need to pay some close attention to what exactly it is that you are telling the reader.  Given that you are looking back at the emergence of specific technologies, I would suggest that you first quote whatever may have been "touted" by people at the time, or state how the technology was perceived or speculated upon, and then tell the reader HOW and WHY the technologies have been successful or unsuccessful.

Thank you assaultkitty.

Actually, I noticed that I too missed out some punctuation in the form of a comma in the last quote I suggested.  It should read:

Nanotechnology, as one Red Herring touted as "an industrial revolution", has been significant in the last decade.

See, we can all make mistakes and even the smallest omission can change the meaning or make it harder to follow.
.... or maybe it should be:
Nanotechnology, WHICH one Red Herring touted as "an industrial revolution", has been significant in the last decade.

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