Recently Divorced

I am Recently Divorced. I have lost my job because of this How could i forgot my past life and enter into new job and enter in to new life
Manikandan ThiagarajanSenior consultantAsked:
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darcotechConnect With a Mentor Commented:
How strong is your will and discipline?
If you can say stop after 2-3 beers, than it's OK.
Otherwise, I would simply avoid it. Alcohol and bad times are very bad mix.
Talking with people and doing things makes you forget xour pain, builds your selfconfidence and makes attractive to that girl that you allways wanted to ask for drink but didn't cause you were married.
Everytime something bad happens in life (like divorce, job loss) is actually oportunity to get something even better. And this is not some BS, this 100% true.
So you have been given another chance to get better partner and better job.
Make it happen.

dear stmani2005
I understand you very well. this is what I did 3 years ago.
Start looking now for any job if money is problem.
If not,
- make list of everything that you know
- make list of the things you would like to work
See how this two lists compare.
Find two closest jobs from list that you have enough skill/experiance and check what is missing.
List what is missing and prepare to learn the easist thing first. Do this till you get job.

On the private side:
- check your friends that are successfull and that you can go out and have a drink (I would avoid alcohol)
- talk with them, this will make forget about ....
- What about your look? Would you change something? Do it? If you need to go to gym , go. Again, if money is problem, go simply run (jogging) and the push-up and abs. This three things are more than enough.
- if you satisfied with your look go out and try to talk with new faces (girls, guys whatever you prefer). Just enjoy.You know, you can enjoy now without any guilty feeling. That's cool man.

And never forget, the most important person in your life is you. You should never let down that person.


Go and live your life.

once you clicked YES on my answer  ;.)   close this window and start your new life.
it is that easy. Trust me.

I will not say good luck, cause all you need is to do the things instead of thinkig of them.

Don't dream your life, live your dreams!


What Darcotech said is true, go live you life.

I not going to lie to you, it is going to be tough for this couple of months. The best you can do is do not be alone too much, find some friends to hang out and get yourself real busy. You cannot let emotion to control you, try put youself together.

Believe me, there always something good behind all those bad things happened to you. Who knows, you might get better girl, or better promotion... just who knows.

Please, don't give up life yet, you must be the best of yourself so that others can be confident with you.

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How did you lose your job because of divorce?  Did you work for your father in law?
Plenty of people manage to get through divorce without blaming thier job loss on it.

there is an old saying...
everything happens for the best... trust... and play along..
Manikandan ThiagarajanSenior consultantAuthor Commented:
could i drink beer this kind of time?
Pal, I do not think it is the best way to go. Getting yourself drunk will not solve your problem, instead it will make it worse, yet the problem still there. No one going to hire drunk developer.

You have busy day to do, start posting your resume now. No time to despair. Take what ever job you can catch first, don't be ashame, then start fixing bit by bit. I believe you can do it, and I've prayed you will.
Manikandan ThiagarajanSenior consultantAuthor Commented:
Now I am alone always

My daily Routine life is

Sleep 9 hours I dont get sleep because of that thinking

go to internet

again have food and thinking about past life.

i am not active now mentally disturbed

How could i avoid that.

i have pesshaid attempt(to killmyself) of thinking also i got it
Well you should do some sports, maybe fitness,build some muscels.Thats what my shrink said me to do when I was like you.
Don't wait something to happen.Cause It will never happen.
Don't talk about yourself as a victim, but as a warrior that just lost one battle but not the war.
And you can win, if you want.But not by thinkig and sleeping and then sleeping all day long.
just do anything. Clean up the mass in house. Buy yourself some stuff, do fitness, just do things,
talk to people and try to be optimistic. cause, frankly, there are so many oportunities to make life better if we just try.
And once you do all this, you will feel yourself as a great winner. And that person that divorced you, well he/she will probably regret it.
But don't look back. great things waiting you.
So stoop reading this pages and go DO something as I said before.
Don't wait. Just do it !
Your age?

Your next romantic experience will help alot.

I have 2 cousins and both have been married 3 times.
They are close to retirement age, so it is not like they divorced every few years.
Their adult life is over 40 years.

Their first marriage was possibly at too young an age, and that may have affected it's outcome.
Manikandan ThiagarajanSenior consultantAuthor Commented:
my age is 33
Well, you are young enough to start new life.
For men, you are actually in the best years, with experiance. Women love people with experiance.
You have two projects:
- find a job (almost any will do, ideally something you like).Job is important as you gain in confidence, self-esteem, and you got some money :-)
- having a social life (doesn't mean drinking a lot), make connections with people that have positif attirude, and that you can larn from. With confidence, you will feel more manly, and girls can feel it, so it will help you on that plan too.

But Stmani, you should just start do the things.Nothing comes by itself. You have to go for it.And the feeling that you get by acomplisihing even smallest thing is great.

So, go tiger, and show them all who you are!
Marriage to divorce is not an overnight event.
It is a process over an un-defined period of time.
At some point, one or both parties feel the marriage is falling apart.
One or both will make efforts to solve some of the issues.
Then a stage where both parties know it's not going to work.
So, the final divorce, if legal through a court, should not have been a shock to you. So shocking that you are now deeply depressed. Didn't the final divorce give off many warnings signals?

Are you re-employed?
Can you say how the divorce cost you your job?
Manikandan ThiagarajanSenior consultantAuthor Commented:
I got a better job now and i am looking for new life partner
I am really glad for you.
You made a right choice.

Wish you all best in your (new) life.

Yessss... I am very glad to hear that. Hope all the best for you. I believe with your positive attitude and god will you will find someone that much more better.
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