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Any very knowledgeable Facebook users?

Posted on 2011-10-27
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I got this message from Facebook:
John Doe wants to be friends on Facebook.

I have never met the person and they have never met me.

Did this specific person find me on Facebook, and looked at my lack of a photo, and only looked at my few friends, etc. and wants to be friends?

Or is Facebook trying to match people who share the same friends?

I see that this person is a friend of a Facebook friend of mine.
Other than that, they should not know me, or ever known me, or met me. and not even in the same age range.

1. Are they asking to be friends.
2. or is Facebook asking for them, and if I accept, then Facebook will send THEM an invite from ME?
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Question by:nickg5
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by:Anthony Russo
ID: 37041078
To answer your question:

John Doe is most likely a SPAM account. They are bots usually that are friending any and everyone so you will occasionally get random friend requests like this.

Your friend probably accepted them and that is how you got the invitation (they send out to all the friends of anyone that accepts them).

Best is to put a suspicious case like this on Ignore//Block. Also it would be helpful to report as potential SPAM to Facebook. There should be a link in the request for that.

Facebook has nothing to do with this person at all and does not suggest friends for you with actual invitations to connect. Only on the sidebar they show possible people that you might want to connect with.

Good luck,

Anthony
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by:nickg5
ID: 37041124
John Doe is a real person and not spam, but we have one common Facebook friend.

So, he initiated the invite?
And Facebook is not involved?
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by:Neil Russell
ID: 37041289
Yes, some people will do anything to have more friends than their friends :P
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LVL 17
ID: 37042015
>we have one common Facebook friend

That happened to me. I only have a FB account so I can watch some videos my friend keeps posting up there. He introduced me to one person so I could see the video on their page and a day or two later I had a whole bunch of friend requests from all their contacts. I have asked and I know that they didn't instigate anything. Just facebook trying to get everybody to talk to each other I think.
I wonder how it deals with people who want to hide from an ex in a bad relationship who still might share mutual friends.
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by:nickg5
ID: 37042033
Well, if I accept the invitation, I'm wondering what happens on the other end.
Does Facebook send them an invitation from me?

I could send the person a message and ask them if they had desired to be Facebook friends. But, we are strangers to each other, unless it is someone from the 1980's. The name is a common one, and I looked at their Facebook page and all their friends and I clearly see how they are related to those people.

We share a common interest from many years ago. Our mutual friends are related to each other that way.
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LVL 17
ID: 37042131
I just checked a little deeper. There are some on there that are friend requests which I had an email for, and some from the same source that are 'suggested by' our mutual friend. I wonder if once we had both added each other if everybody got a 'suggested' and a large number of them just clicked it causing me to get a request.
I opened another account on there and searched for myself without sending a request, I'll wait and see if I get any hint on there that I have been searched for.

To replicate what you have I think you need three accounts. A friends with B, add C as a friend to B and see if A gets a request. If it does then reply and see what gets passed.
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by:nickg5
ID: 37042182
Ok, good, maybe you get an invitation from yourself. (joke)

I knew a guy in the 80's by this very common name, but he passed away 3 years ago.

I can always send him a message and ask him if he got a similar message from Facebook.

That 21 questions thing is a mess too.
They asked some very invasive questions. One of them was "would nickg steal money from a friend?"
One of my friends was able to answer that question.
Thank goodness he said no. Who creates those questions?

I've also had Verizon tell me that Facebook can be a source of unwanted text messages.
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LVL 17
ID: 37042232
I've got everything hidden on there except my name and my profile pic that isn't of me, but anyone that knows me will recognise it.
It even published my date of birth until I explicitly told it not to. I don't like facebook, I only use it because this particular friend uses it to communicate.

Yes, waiting for a message from myself :7) it's not the first time I've done it. It's a good way of seeing what other people see about your account.
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by:nickg5
ID: 37046155
I joined and had no friends on there, but got one quickly. I used to work for the guy.
Then a week or two later, here comes the 21 questions, and the one about whether I would steal from a friend.
So, I wondered, did the friend post the question and gave the answer?
Did Facebook ask the questions and left them open, to be answered by no telling who?
He was a non internet friend of mine years ago, so he said, no I would not steal from a friend.
I still do not know if he asked that question, or Facebook offered it to the whole world.
I've looked at the Facebook pages of many people I know. They all have their photos on there, and I am reluctant to post mine.
The 21 question thing is a bunch of BS.
Either I should create the questions, and pose them to my friends, or some other non evasive way. The two questions that were the most invasive, were whether I'd steal, and whether I needed to lose weight.
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by:nickg5
ID: 37059979
I accepted the invitation. Now a couple days later here comes an invite from one of his 700 friends. I know this guy too, from 20 years ago. I know alot of people on his list.
I doubt he even remembers my name, and it is curious they want to be friends now, when we were just acquaintances, at best, back then.

I suspect Facebook is trying to match friends who appear on the same persons list.
I'm on Joe's list.
John is on Joe's list too.
So Facebook sends me an invite from John.
And Facebook sends an invite from me to John.

Is that the way it works?

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Assisted Solution

by:Thibault St john Cholmondeley-ffeatherstonehaugh the 2nd
Thibault St john Cholmondeley-ffeatherstonehaugh the 2nd earned 300 total points
ID: 37060317
I have been getting the feeling that it works that way, but as yet I haven't sent myself an invite from my other account. (Quite disappointing really, I don't think I will talk to me any more). I certainly get all the friends of a friend suggested to me, but only when I log in, not by email. Perhaps there has to be an activity to generate an email, but I don't think it has to be as direct as somebody sending a message. It does seem very keen on people with mutual friends contacting each other. Also, and I'm not sure how, it has suggested that I add my wife as a friend (a person I might know). Apart from sharing a name I don't think there has ever been any contact between us as far as facebook is concerned. As we also share our name with several other people I wonder how it singled us out and didn't offer all the others as potential friends.
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by:
Merete earned 780 total points
ID: 37089904
Oh dear, never ever accept thes emails, or invites. I always go to my Face book account and look to see if there is any invites new messages there. And delete them.
go to your facebook account home page Look to> click on your Name at the top> once it's loaded
look to the right  of your name  you'll see Find Friends>Home >and then a small arrow
expand that open Privacy Settings, then you'll see Public Friends and Custom
 Click on CUSTOM
Put it on Specific People and list them insert one name and save it then do it again insert  specific people and insert the new name and save it and so on until all your family ie friends are added only.
Then change these
Privacy Settings
Next to each header edit the settings and put it on family or friends only
At the bottom of the final header
Enable Instant Personalization on Partner web sites UNTICK
Apply confirm etc
Facebook in my hunble opinion is a bad place to go. Opens the door to identity theft in a big way.

Every family member /  friend you add >> their friends and their>> friends  can see into your page  through them unless you change these privacy settings
also the security settings and block the spam emails you get.
We have had a couple of identitiy theft from friends that have passed on after being killed in a bike accident.
I was very dissappointed to see this.
But it was not my security it was theirs.
A domino effect.
I only use it in an  absolute family enviroment and they all have only family as friends.
Chatting is best done on Ebuddy
http://www.ebuddy.com/
custom-privacy-settings.jpg
how-you-connect-and-who-connects.jpg
choose-your-Instant-Personalizat.jpg
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Assisted Solution

by:Run5k
Run5k earned 460 total points
ID: 37089861
"So Facebook sends me an invite from John. And Facebook sends an invite from me to John. Is that the way it works?" - Nickg5

No, actually I'm rather certain that it does not work that way.  Over the past few years I have heard a lot of feedback about Facebook from within my own family (wife & kids), co-workers, and my own diligent studying of the IT-related news.  In all that time, I have never heard anyone else imply that Facebook may be trying to automatically send friend requests on behalf of the end-user.  With all of the heat that Zuckerberg's empire has received over privacy issues, if this was actually occurring I'm sure that there would have been a lot of negative feedback about it in the mainstream news.

Ultimately, I think the real reason is that some people are much more enthusiastic about trying to link up with old friends and acquaintances on Facebook.
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by:Merete
ID: 37089926
Yes that is how it works, sorry Run5k I dont mean undermine your comment, but facebook does work like that.
unless  nickg5 changes
his privacy>Security and how facebook sends messages
nickg5 will receive an email notice from Facebook like these
nickg5 you haven't been back to back to facebook for a while >login?
If you login you'll get an email saying Welcome Back 5 minutes later
Invites and invitations friends emails from unknowns
Any comments made
Any one's birthday
To see where and how Facebook sends you emails
In your Account ( use that little arrow on the far right>Account Settings
Then on the left under General / under.Security>NOTIFICATIONS


Notifications Settings.
We send notifications whenever actions are taken on Facebook that involve you. You can change which applications and features can send you notifications.
Notifications are being sent to ( name of nickg5 )
In the list at the TOP is FACEBOOK> click on EDIT
I unticked all of them except for when someone writes on my wall
save changes
then go back to Security from the left and edit all the rest.
Remove ticks from deals etc
It's quite a job but in the end you will be secure so long as your friends in your list do the same.
This what you see for notifications >>edit > for Facebook options.



edit-Facebook-Notifications.jpg
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by:Darr247
Darr247 earned 460 total points
ID: 37090655
> Is that the way it works?

No. You only receive friend requests from other accounts that actually initiate them.
 
When you approve them, they are automatically added to your friends list, also (i.e. you do not have to then send them a request and await their approval). If you turn it down, they receive no notice that you denied the request... for all they know, you never check your messages (e.g. if more friends appear in your list, it can be assumed they were from requests YOU made, not necessarily from requests you approved).
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by:nickg5
ID: 37091255
Ultimately, I think the real reason is that some people are much more enthusiastic about trying to link up with old friends and acquaintances on Facebook.
----------------------------
No. You only receive friend requests from other accounts that actually initiate them.
-------------------------

I doubt the above.
I got two more invitations from two people I knew decades ago. The common denominator is they are a Facebook friend of Joe.

(I'm on Joe's list. John is on Joe's list too)

These two new invites are real people, but they wre not friends back then so why would they want to be friends now.

The more "accepts" I make the more "invites" I get from Joe's list of 700 friends.

I hate to ignore the invites, and worst would be to "reject" their invites.
I do not want to adjust any settings that cause people who know me, from asking to be friends, but the ones that have invited me lately, the last 3, are very suspect as having initiated it themselves.

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by:Run5k
ID: 37091335
Merete, no offense intended, but I am quite certain Facebook itself does not work like that.  Now, they are known to suggest potential friends, but they will not actually send a friend request on behalf of a specific user account.

That being said, please keep in mind that out of the millions of people on Facebook, many of them aren't nearly as computer literate as the typical Experts Exchange community member.  As a result, some of them have probably been victims of social engineering exploits at some point and had their Facebook account password compromised.  Once that happens, I'm sure that the spammers don't hesitate to send out friend requests from that account in an attempt to lure more people into their web (posting malware links within the account for their "friends" to see, etc.).  I have seen that happen to rather high profile accounts, also.  The band No Doubt had their account password compromised and was posting hyperlinks promising a free iPad 2 if you "Liked" their post and followed a link to a web page that was inevitably infested with malware.  That's just one prominent example.

So, while there may be folks that are much more enthusiastic about trying to link up with old friends and acquaintances on Facebook, there are also user accounts that become compromised and behave in unusual ways.  But as I said before, I have yet to hear of an example where Facebook themselves was overtly sending a friend request to someone else and making it appear like it was from the actual user (versus a simple Find Friends or Mutual Friends suggestion).  If this was really happening, the privacy advocates would be crucifying them in the mainstream press.
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by:Merete
ID: 37091603
Run5k I thought later I was not quite accurate on that
Yes my apologies I concur, you will get  friend requests from Facebook but Facebook will not reply on your behalf.

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by:nickg5
ID: 37091692
I participate in an annual event, online, each April. My e-mail address is clearly there for the view of all. But, these people fail to use that and only want to be friends through Facebook?

I started Facebook with no friends. Then I got an invite from someone I knew in the 1990's. I accepted. Then I requested to be the friend of someone else I knew.
It took several weeks for them to accept. Maybe they accepted because their choices were:
a. offend me by rejecting.
b. offend me by never accepting.

I am getting invites from people who have no reason to invite, and the common denominator is they and I, are on the same person's list. I'll name that person John. And John has over 700 FB friends. Since accepting John's invitation, I find it questionable that his 700 friends would scurry, hurry to try to communicate with me. They have families and 100's of personal friends, and they suddenly, after 15-20 years want to be friends with someone they did not like back then?

WHO has the motive here?
Clearly FB. They want all their users to have hundred's and thousands of friends.
The more the better.

Now I'm in a bind of not knowing what to do with these two requests.
If I fail to accept they are offended.
If I do not accept, but they happen to watch my friend's list, or my wall or what the hell it is called, they then know that I am internet active.
And they get offended because I am ignoring their request.
Or I accept an invitation which I believe was sent to me by FB.
Then they may not accept back, and I wonder if they are dead or still dislike me.

Can anyone explain the 21 questions?
Who asked the question for the world to see?
Would nickg5 steal money from a friend?
Did my first FB friend ask that question so HE could give the correct answer of NO, or did FB create these 21 questions?

I look forward to when FB goes out of business.
I do not see such things happening on My Space, etc.

I know John and John has over 700 FB friends.
And I am starting to get invitations from some of his friends.
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by:Merete
ID: 37091714
Just ignore them and do nothing nickg5
All that will happen is they will remain pending doesnt matter.
Then you wont offend.- or feel concerned.
Besides if you don't know them why add them?
You need to change the settings in how Facebook sends you emails
If you look at my final screencast Facebook sends you an emaill when any of those are ticked in that list.
example>FB will send you an email >suggests a friend you might know.
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by:Run5k
ID: 37091720
"Or I accept an invitation which I believe was sent to me by FB." - nickg5

As I said in my previous posts, Facebook will initiate Find Friends or Mutual Friends suggestions, but throughout the last several years that I have been a member of their community I have never heard of single instance where someone claimed that Facebook actually sent a friend request for them in their name.  In fact, you are the very first person I have known who has implied that it might be a possibility.

Logically, it is much more likely that these people are either trying to reach out to old friends and acquaintances, or that their Facebook account passwords have been compromised and there are professional spammers sending them out maliciously.
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by:nickg5
ID: 37091745
a. Logically, it is much more likely that these people are either trying to reach out to old friends and acquaintances,

b. or that their Facebook account passwords have been compromised and there are professional spammers sending them out maliciously.

I can not agree with a.

As far as compromising of passworrds, if that was the case for me, I would be getting invitations from people who are total strangers. I'm not.

And I think it would be far easier for someone to just put my name in the FB search window and click to find me, than to look through a list of 700 names for someone they did not like years ago.

I've gone to my own FB page and on the right side, I see a few names. And it says "you may know XYZ." So, the FB program has offered to show me, people I did not know were on John's list of 700.
So, FB is prompting me to think that "I may know those people."

I just logged in to my FB. On the right it shows 4 people. It says "people you may know." Then in ( ) it tells how many mutual friends we have.
I do not think these people are comparing friend's list looking for me.
It makes no sense.


In the middle of the page it says "accept your friend request."
One of these two is an organization that I have never joined, etc.
The only way for that organization to link me to them, is through John's friend list.
Same thing for ther 2nd one. I know that guy and I am the last person on earth he would invite as a friend.
And my choices are accept, reject or ignore.
And I do not like those choices because I think FB is behind it.
I may just close my account.
These people know how to find me if they want me and they fail.
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by:nickg5
ID: 37091765
Besides if you don't know them why add them?
You need to change the settings in how Facebook sends you emails
If you look at my final screencast Facebook sends you an emaill when any of those are ticked in that list.
example>FB will send you an email >suggests a friend you might know.
 

I DO KNOW them.
The ONLY common denominator is WE are both on John's list of 700 friends.
I'm not getting "suggestions," I'm getting invitations.
I'll post the exact e-mail.

From an email it says "XXXXXXXXX wants to be friends with you on Facebook."
Then in the fine print at the bottom, it says:
This message was sent to XXXX@hotmail.com. If you don't want to receive these emails from Facebook in the future, or have your email address used for friend suggestions, please click: XXXXX

So, which invites are from real people, and which are suggestions?
I'd rather know they are all real invitations, than to have to guess which ones are real and which ones are just suggestions created by FB.
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by:Run5k
ID: 37091769
"From an email it says "XXXXXXXXX wants to be friends with you on Facebook."

It that's what it says, then it is a request that specifically originated from that Facebook account, not a suggestion.
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by:Merete
ID: 37091790
Yes that is the tricky part nickg5, are they real?
remember my experience?
 what happened,  we get an email from our friend  Didg and in our facebook list of friends,
 he says in this email that he took a holiday to France, since he lives in New Zealand and we are in Australia who knows right?,
 he continues that he left his wallet in a taxi and asks if we can send him some cash and he'll pay us back later, the name was correct the email address @hotmail was correct but this friend of ours had died a few  weeks earlier.
So it does beg the question are they real?
How to tell? You can't really other than know them. If you know them to be true it's safe, otherwise contacting friends of friends is really the only way.
Contact their wife?
Since they use Hotmail it is not really recognised as a legitmate email client like someone@isp.com
That is as it uses your ISP.
That cannot be faked.
All I can suggest to you is delete these unless you're 100% certain, and then you'll just have pending.
Wait till they ask again or send you an email and actually talk to you.
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by:Run5k
ID: 37091797
Nickg5,

A compromised Facebook account wouldn't be that much different from an e-mail account password that had been breached.  While the e-mail account would probably send out spam to everyone in the user's contacts list, a Facebook account that has had the password compromised will probably look at the friends list for targets, and if their friends (a.k.a. friends-of-friends) have their privacy settings adjusted so that they are visible, they could potentially be the target for spamming additional friend requests, too.

Remember, there are millions of Facebook community members.  Included within that population are many IT professionals.  Several of us have been on Facebook for years.  In all that time, not once have I (or anyone else that I know) seen an instance where a friend request was accepted by a person and I did not remember sending the request personally.  If this actually occurred in the Facebook world without the aid of compromised account password, amongst over 500 million members don’t you think that there would be a lot of evidence and public outcry to support your claims?

To be honest, if seems like you have already very adamantly made up your mind.  All of the logical input and expertise that we can provide won’t change your perspective.  Best of luck to you, Nick.
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by:Merete
ID: 37091807
What I'd d is ignore the request from FB  in your emails for the time being.
and  instead send an email to this friend in hotmail. See if you get a reply
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by:Merete
ID: 37091829
Have  a read
Staying in Control of Your Facebook Logins
http://www.facebook.com/blog.php?post=389991097130
http://www.facebook.com/security
Suspicious emails and notifications
http://www.facebook.com/help/?page=1014
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by:Darr247
ID: 37091838
> I got two more invitations from two people I knew decades ago.
The common denominator is they are a Facebook friend of Joe.

Yes, they looked through the list of Joe's friends, and initiated the request because they thought they recognized your name. If you don't feel like chatting with them or reconnecting in any way, by all means deny the requests. As I said, they won't be notified that you denied the request.

But I can assure you that scripts/'bots run by facebook are not sending you friend requests without the requests being initiated by real humans. Zuckerberg wouldn't have a penny left to his name by now if that were happening.

I don't even have a personal facebook account, because they didn't believe my real given name is Darr and wanted me to fax them a copy of my driver's license (funny language where fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing), but they didn't have any problem with me (or dozens of others) creating an account for Hank Hill, from Arlen Texas.
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by:Merete
ID: 37091862
oh Dah !!  Darr?
What a con that one was lol
I had to regester using my real name and then if I wanted to create a Nick name
FB won't allow me  / you to regester with a nickname of course and if these guys knew that they may have realized the scam was up right there.
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by:Merete
ID: 37091869
If you use a legitmate email account like Dar@ISP.com
not hotmail you'll have no problems creating your personal FB account Darr247
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LVL 17
ID: 37091894
To check this properly I am going to have to contact somebody I don't know, but who shares a mutual friend with me and ask them if they sent me a friend request. It is very unlikely, there is no reason why they should have done so. I received about 20 requests after adding this one friend.
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by:Merete
ID: 37091930
How Facebook checks your account is not fake (and keeps legitimate users out)
http://blog.bottomlessinc.com/2010/05/how-facebook-checks-your-account-is-not-fake-and-keeps-legitimate-users-out/
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by:nickg5
ID: 37094611
Merete:
   I know which ones are real because on John's list of 700 friends, I personally met 50+ of them in the period 1975-2000. I am getting request from real people.

Run5k may be confusing real people (people who's name and photo I know) with real people (real people who are hacking accounts and sending invitations as spammers.

How can the spammers or scammers, know, that I personally know, the person?

Of course, if I have never heard of them before, I do not accept their invite, until I go to their FB page and look around, look at their friend list, etc.  

Can anyone answer this?
Who created the list of 21 questions?

I did not care for the question being asked, of whether I would steal money from a friend. That was one of my 21 questions. Who asked all these questions?
Luckily for me, my first FB friend, knew me, and answered the question, NO.

I hate to ignore a request from someone I know. (and "know" does not mean we ever were real friends, "know" means I know they are not scammers).
I hate to accept an invitation from a spammer.

What in these emails, will tell me that they are just suggestions from FB?

I'm going to keep a list of the new invitations. I know exactly where all of them are coming from, they are coming from John's list of 700 friends. The problem is 650 of his friends do not know me and never have, so why request to know me?
On my FB page, I do not have a photo, I list very little profile information, etc.
Only people who know my exact name, should be sending an invitation.

Merete:
I am not sure I understand what you mean by Hotmail.
I use Hotmail for my FB account because it is not safe to give my personal e-mail account to FB.
---------------------------------
I am very educated on scammers and spammers from Craigslist and gmail is 80-85% of the spammers on that site. Gmail is full of scammers. I never reply to a gmail address until I check it out.

I just can not believe that one of John's 700 friends, searched all 700 just to send ME an invitation and wants to be friends, when we were not friends to begin with. Yes, I know their name and face and they know my name and we spoke a few sentences each year at some events. But long lost friends to be found on FB, to nurture an old friendship, is BS.
They have no reason to contact me. I still believe FB is sending the invites, not all of them, but some of them. I find on EE and a couple other forums, there is no "consensus" viewpoint. I'm not getting the same answers from different people. And FB won't tell the truth, because of their motives.

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by:nickg5
ID: 37094693
I am legitimate and so are John's 700 friends. The problem is, some of John's 700 friends, who I know by name and face, would never invite me on FB.
And how can an account hacker, know which of those 700 actually know my face and name?

If I accept a suggestion, then what happens on that person's end?
Do they get an e-mail from me asking to be one of thier FB friends?
If so, then they won't accept or jusr ignore, because they do ont want me as a friend, and they may be offended that I asked.

I'd like to know which invites are from people who 100% want to be FB friends, and which ones are matching making (money making) techniques of FB.
I can clearly tell which ones are spam or scams. They will be from people who do not know me at all, past or present.
I dount Joe Doe in Oregon is going to go to FB and look around and say, "oh I believe I'll invite nickg5 of "wherever" he is, to be my FB friend."

If I Merete has FB 300 friends, I am willing to bet that I will slowly get invitations from some of her 300, if I became her 301st FB friend.
When in fact, none of Merete's 300 friends, know me from Adam.
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by:Darr247
ID: 37095930
> But long lost friends to be found on FB, to nurture an old friendship, is BS.
I think that statement is a little over-cynical... completely by coincidence I've run into people I knew while thousands of miles from home, so I believe the odds of that happening would be much higher on a site like FB, which has become a de facto reunion site.
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Author Comment

by:nickg5
ID: 37095972
What I need to do is find someone who has maybe 100 FB friends.
And I know none of them by name or face, and they do not know me at all, either.
This someone, invites me to be on their friend list. I accept. I then wait and see how many of their 100 friends, eventually invite me to be their friends.
Since none of them know me, I'd expect the number of invites to be zero.
Unless FB is involved in some way in the invitation process.
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Expert Comment

by:Merete
ID: 37097321
Nickg5 I take it this is all a hypothetical?
you just want to understand a certain scenario with FB like how this whole friends thing in FB establishes invites?
To use your words>What I need to do is find someone who has maybe 100 FB friends.<< you'll be stopped in your tracks right there, the only way to access / find someone like that is through one of your friends. , you can't  find or Access any unknown people's accounts without them having given you an invite that has been accepted by him or you.
You can access your friends / friends/friends/friends and so on

Once you get to a friends level of friends of a friend whom you don't know,
here again unless if you make comment or add a tag. anyone in this friends account won't even know you exist or was there.
It also depends on the security level and if their account is public, and how much these people have setup their security.
 So you cannot access his database without an invite or being a friend., get it?
And he cannot access yours unless he looks through all his friends of friends etc and all of them are Public.

In my FB account I have set it so that any friends of friends CANNOT see my Images or my family
My FB is Private not Public.

FB does not get involved in the invite process other than carry out the requests from individuals who have clicked on your name FB may from time to time offer a suggestion
for friends you may know,  as per your settings and permissions in your account.
You can deny or approve. It is all up to you.
You have the  final decision not FB to accept or reject any invitations.

If you have ever used ebay it is the same similar principal, you contact the buyer or seller through ebay emails.

Were you to get an unknown invite based on FB offerings  you don't accept it and you have nothing to lose.
If in doubt Don't
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Author Comment

by:nickg5
ID: 37097399
Not hypothetical.

Scenario:
One of my neighbors has a FB account and they have 75-100+ FB friends.
None of their friends know me and I know none of them.
The neighbor invites me to be their FB friend.
I think I'd slowly get invites from some of their FB friends.

The neighbor could be anyone willing to add me to their friend list, so I can test the system.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There should be a clear difference between these e-mails through the FB system.
A. You may know these people take a look.
B. John Roberts has invited you to be their FB friend.

I am getting B. from people who would not send an invitation. That is the whole point of my question.

--------------------------------------------------------------------
Also, no one, since the very top, has given their opinion or accurate knowledge of who asks the 21 questions.

I was only a FB member a few days or couple weeks, and here comes the 21 questions. One was: Would nickg5 steal money from a friend?
Who created that question for the world to see?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I need to find a FB user who has dozens and dozens of FB friends. And none of their friends know me and I do not know them. Then join this person's FB list and wait and see how many of their friends end up sending me an invitation. When in fact, none should send me an invite.



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Expert Comment

by:Darr247
ID: 37097488
> This someone, invites me to be on their friend list. I accept. I then wait and
> see how many of their 100 friends, eventually invite me to be their friends.
> Since none of them know me, I'd expect the number of invites to be zero.
> Unless FB is involved in some way in the invitation process.

that's non sequitur logic.  
I'm telling you, some people DO look through other peoples' friends lists and send friend requests just to acquire more population for their lists.
Others request very few people (i.e. only people they consider 'best friends'.

Get on there and look through a list of one of your friends, find someone in that list you think you might know and look through their list, find someone in that list you think you might know and look through THEIR list...  some people spend literally hours daisy chaining along like that.

But Facebook is definitely NOT matching people up and sending friend requests on either ones' behalf. Their scripts that match people up only put suggestions in the upper right corner of the browser, or show who your common-friends are when you're looking at the profile of someone else, et cetera.

> who asks the 21 questions
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Expert Comment

by:Darr247
ID: 37097508
> who asks the 21 questions

Sorry.. I hit enter to put a line under the quote and EE's board software posted the message.

There are LOTS of sites that make polls, quizzes, et al, for people to send other FB members. It's usually a free service, because they also send along an advertisement with the poll/quiz/etc.
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Expert Comment

by:Merete
ID: 37097556
I'm not willing to test this scenerio with you nickg5 and open my FB account to the public, but some of my family have over 500 friends.
also there is a difference as you noted between A and B.
One email states you may know this person
and the other is an invitation from John Roberts.
Whether it is the John Roberts you know is determined where this John Roberts sent the invite from.
I don't know what you arer referring to 21 questions >who asks the 21 questions.
I feel I have answered to you how FB works that in itself should explain it.
---------------------------
reference to your comments here>I need to find a FB user who has dozens and dozens of FB friends. And none of their friends know me and I do not know them. Then join this person's FB list and wait and see how many of their friends end up sending me an invitation.<<

and this part>  When in fact, none should send me an invite.<< that is not up to you nickg5, anyone can decide if they want to send you an invite
you don't have a choice and it is unpredictable, you cannot control this all you can do is deny or approve.
Once you join FB you are subject to it's proceedures .
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Author Comment

by:nickg5
ID: 37108398
I got another invite from another one of John's 700 friends.

What I was saying is that I am not getting the two type e-mails.
I am only getting B.
On these same invitations, at the bottom, in the fine print, it mentions "suggested friends." and opting out, or un-subscribing.

These people from John's list, who invite me to be their FB friends, did not search my name, or they would have sent me an invite, before I accepted an invitation from John. Once I accepted his "questionable invitation," then I started to get invites from people on his list of 700. So far, 4 have invited me.

Merete:
I only used you as an example. If I could be added to someone's friend list and none of their friends know me, then I could see if any of these strangers send me an invite.

Have you never seen the 21 questions?
I was not too pleased to see one asking if I would steal money from a friend.
FB should not be placing these 21 questions on people's wall, or whatever it is.
Now, if the only FB friend I had at that time, last year, specifically asked that question as a "toy," so he could give the proper and correct answer of NO, then fine. It was an inappropriate question and there was a list of 21.
I've seen the 21 on many FB pages. One of mine asked if I needed to lose weight. Again a personal type question.

I'm going to my FB page now.
I looked at my 21 questions. It asked if I ever had a romantic cruch on XXX. Well the photo is of a male. This must be FB. I doubt this other person wants the world to see this quesation, as to whether he had a crush on me.
I thought I opted out of the 21 questions thing early last year.
It is just a play toy and creates false impressions of people.

I went back to the previous page and clicked on 21 questions again. Now the question is: Do you think XXX watches the TV show 24?"
(and it is the same XXX as in the other qeustion)
Ok, now we are talking a fun type question, but I never asked these questions and people may think I am asking them.

I have 5 pending friend request. I know all of them, except one, which is an organization, but I know the name. All 5 came straight from John's list of 700.
Under the name of each person, it tells how many mutual friends we have.

In the middle of my page, Joe has asked a question about me. So it says, that Joe asked it. Joe was my first FB friend. Let me dare to go read the question that has been asked. Nope it says Joe has "answered" a question about me. So, WHO is asking these questions? Below that is says nickg5 has "new" answers to unlock. To the whole world I guess.

If I accept these 5 invitation and I knew 4 of them in the 1980's, I'll be on all their friend's list and I'll get even more invites.
It's a pyramid type scheme.
My choices are not good:
1. accept and then get more invites.
2. ignore and offend.
3. reject and offend.
It seems to me and not the "bank account" of FB that the proper way is to allow John's friends to send me a "message." The message would be from the person, not an invitation requiring me to take action. The message could be, "hello Nickg5, saw you are friends with John. If you'd like to add me to your list or join my list, please do. Nice to speak to you after these many years."
THAT is the way the invites should take place, but that does not put $$$ in FB's pocket.
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Expert Comment

by:kaohn
ID: 37108964
A rule of thunb: If you know and trust the person, add them, If you don't, ask yourself "Do you want to?" Always go with your gut feeling. I get alot of these from Friends of my friends who are just looking to add anyone who's on their frinds list. Maybe they have no life and just need more friends.

It's <sometimes> ok to add them because if you find out any false pretences about them, you can block them afterwards. so trust your instincts, Good luck.
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Expert Comment

by:Merete
ID: 37111237
So you dont offend I simply do nothing with these, in this method you are not agreeing to the methods of FB, which is using the accept/deny/reject etc.
When you do nothing and just delete the email the invite sits in limbo / pending with no progress.
That is your only choices.
Your safe and they cannot be offended.
If they are genuine they will either wonder or inquire with John.
If they are true they may send you an appropiate email asking for your consideration saying hi I'm so and so.
Or they might respond in John's FB page saying hey John I sent an invite to nickg5.
See nickg5  until  you actually accept the email invite, click on that link
 they cannot contact you.
They are in John's FB his member's friends and can only comment in his FB page.


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Author Comment

by:nickg5
ID: 37127856
Anyone know about the 21 questions?
I'm sure all FB accounts had it at one time.
I did some edit setting, after I saw the very inappropriate question, as to whether I'd steal money from a friend.
Now the 21 questions are back again.
I never asked them, and my first FB friend would have not asked 21 questions.

Is my wall 100% private, and I control all the content?
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Expert Comment

by:Merete
ID: 37128547
21 questions is a game on FB , it's kind like a spy game where you have to find the people who wrote about you hense gaining coins or points.. that is why you see so many invites /
In the real game 21 questions, you ask 21 questions  of your friend and who ever can't answer them looses.
You would have had to give the app permission to access the info you have on facebook, and to email you directly.
2 things
-revealing answers costs points, and to get points u must answer questions...sometimes people just click yes or no for every question to get points faster.
sometimes people do that just for a laugh.
Kind of like Experts Exchange the points thingy.

FB  offers lot's of stuff to ignore,  just like life don't take it. and ignore it if you dont want in on these.
It offers other game like Farmville  this is just another one to get people interacting.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080223194922AAb76N4

Your facebook is completely private until you add friends and their friends can see you too, I have explained this.
Explain "21 questions" to me
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=601114
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Assisted Solution

by:Merete
Merete earned 780 total points
ID: 37128557
How can I block Facebook apps from posting on my Wall?
http://www.askdavetaylor.com/how_to_block_facebook_apps_posting_status_wall.html
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Author Comment

by:nickg5
ID: 37132873
ok, thanks, there is alot of information above.

I'll close the question this week, and split points in some way, since the answer was broad in nature.
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Author Comment

by:nickg5
ID: 37140175
Merete:
Can you go here and state the solution in a way that can be understood.

http://www.experts-exchange.com/Software/Photos_Graphics/Web_Graphics/Macromedia_Flash/Q_27428331.html
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Author Comment

by:nickg5
ID: 37156718
RobinD:
To check this properly I am going to have to contact somebody I don't know, but who shares a mutual friend with me and ask them if they sent me a friend request. It is very unlikely, there is no reason why they should have done so.
I received about 20 requests after adding this one friend.

......do you think the 20 strangers invited you? (because they saw your profile and saw common interests)
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Author Comment

by:nickg5
ID: 37156740
One thing about FB that is annoying. I go to Google and search for Joe Jones.
Before it takes me to his page, it takes me to MY page for login. Once I login, I am attacked by my wall, my messages, people I may know, etc.
I have to re-enter Joe's name in the box. Then search.
If I want to look for Joe Smith after that, I can not back space and remove Jones and add Smith. I have to start all over.
It's nothing like my own personal profile page.
Either FB, or other people, are constantly doing something, to increase the activity. I think the friend requests, from joining that one friend's list, is up to about 8. Yes, I know all of them by name and face and they know me. But as far as them really inviting me to be on their list, no way in hell.
I removed the 21 questions last year, but it is back.
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Author Comment

by:nickg5
ID: 37167246
RobinD:
did anything conclusive come from your experiment?

Every week I get 1-2 ne wivites from John's list. People who in the past we only spoke to each other if we were in the same group of contestants.

I did get two newly phrased messages. These said "----------" is "suggesting" ".........." So, this is the first time I have gotten that.
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Author Closing Comment

by:nickg5
ID: 37167265
John was known by me, to not be spam, so that solution is eliminated.

points distributed based on participation and followups.
However, with the long list of comments, the ones chosen for each user name, will simply be their first comment from the top, and not necessarily specific comments with links, etc.
0
 
LVL 17
ID: 37174279
>did anything conclusive come from your experiment?

Nothing I'm afraid. I didn't receive a contact request from myself without actually sending it (one account to the other) . I'm trying not to link these accounts so I wouldn't reply, but I thought what I did would have caused something to happen. I don't really want to contact someone who is only a friend of a friend to ask if they knowingly sent me an invite when if they did they are probably thinking that I refused them.
Facebook can cause arguments that would never have existed if it didn't try to encourage everybody to talk to everybody else.
 
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Author Comment

by:nickg5
ID: 37174292
I don't really want to contact someone who is only a friend of a friend to ask if they knowingly sent me an invite when if they did they are probably thinking that I refused them.

I do not want to do that either.
So, I just leave their request, open ended, forever.
I know the level of relationship I had with them, and they would not be sending me invites.
Especially since my personal e-mail address is right there for them to see, on another site, for about 3 weeks each April.
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