Can someone please help clean this email template and word it better for the purpose of sending out a public message about signing up for "Security Awareness" training?

For the purpose of sending an email to encourage all employees to sign up for security awareness, our SAAS provider had provided an email template. It looks descent but I'd like it cleaned up and worded better, so that way I can send to all my employees. The template is below. Some of it is a bit corny. Can someone please edit it and word it better? I underlined what I want edited to word it better. Sorry, I am bad at sending a public email.


To All Employees,

Cybercrime is getting more serious by the month. The bad guys are getting quite smart about tricking people in clicking on fraudulent links in emails. The company has decided that it is really important that everyone gets Internet Security Awareness Training. We need to defend our organization against cybercrime, and security is everyone’s job. Here is the link for everyone to do this training. Please have this done by __Wednesday?__ end of business. You do not need to let me know when you have completed it because I will automatically get the results as you do it.

Click this link to register:
https://training.knowbe4.com/signup?domain=xyz.com

Once you are logged in, click the ‘Start Course’ button and do the training. Thanks for your cooperation, and have fun, this is an interesting course to do.

Sincerely,
freebeee01Asked:
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PerarduaadastraCommented:
My tuppence worth...

To All Employees,

The threat of cybercrime is growing more serious every month. Cybercriminals are becoming increasingly adept at tricking people into clicking on malicious links in emails. In view of this, the company is providing mandatory Internet Security Awareness Training to enable us to defend our organization more effectively against cybercrime. As everyone is exposed to these threats, defending against them is everyone’s job.

Please ensure that you have completed the training course by __Wednesday?__ before close of business. You do not need to advise me that you have done so because I will automatically receive the results as each employee completes the course.

Once you are logged in, click the ‘Start Course’ button and work through the training. Far from being a distraction from your usual work, you will find it empowering as it equips you to avoid the traps set for the unwary. This training will benefit you not only at work but at home also, as the principles are the same regardless of whether the environment is commercial or personal.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation.

Click the link below to register:

https://training.knowbe4.com/signup?domain=xyz.com
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freebeee01Author Commented:
That is excellent! I'd like to customize my landing page, and would like to put a message to remind users to take security seriously.  Can you please also come up with a professional message along the lines of: reminding users to take the course, to take security seriously, and also be careful and think twice or something to that extend. Thank you.
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PerarduaadastraCommented:
First, a slight amendment to the first sentence of the first paragraph I suggested above, to improve the flow:

The threat of cybercrime is growing more serious every month, as cybercriminals are becoming increasingly adept at tricking people into clicking on malicious links in emails.


 Now a suggested landing page message:


Have you taken the Internet Security Awareness course yet? There are now only nn days nn hours nn minutes left until the completion deadline.

Taking the course and applying its lessons to your email and internet activities will provide you with a solid defence against scams, malicious links, and other web-based threats whether you are at work, at home, or on the move.

Forming the habit of thinking twice and acting once will enable you to avoid these threats and their attendant lost productivity and security implications, and escape the discomfort of professional and personal embarrassment.

                                          *************************

Putting counters in the landing page for the countdown will add a bit of polish to the page, and referring to possible embarrassment resulting from falling victim to a malicious link is a useful incentive to do the training - nobody wants to look stupid and/or gullible!
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freebeee01Author Commented:
That is awesome! Can you please help me come up with a reminder message so I can use as a template to send to employees who have not yet registered? Something along the lines of Please register and take course before a certain date. Thank you.
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PerarduaadastraCommented:
From the way that company employees have to be nagged and cajoled into taking this awareness course it appears that there is considerable inertia, if not downright resistance, that must be overcome to ensure that its benefits are realised.

The nice guy approach to awareness courses is always a good idea, but its effectiveness can be usefully augmented with the prospect of sanctions of some kind if employees feel that they don't need to bother with such things. In this particular scenario the company wants to protect itself from internet threats by educating and informing its workforce about them, but if some staff members aren’t willing to be proactive about the welfare of the company that's providing their employment then there is already a conflict of interest which might best be resolved by their obtaining jobs elsewhere.

The flip side of this, of course, is to provide and publicise incentives that reward those who take and successfully complete the course, with extra goodies for those who score well in the test at the end of the course. There is a test, isn't there?


How about something like this:

Dear <employee's first name>

I notice that you haven't yet taken the Internet Security Awareness Training course, and the deadline of <date> is fast approaching. Please keep in mind that this course is not optional and that the company has made sure that all employees are granted sufficient time in working hours to complete it.

Remember that there are rewards for doing well in the course, ranging from <entry level goody> to <best goody> for the employee obtaining the highest score in the test at the end of the course. It could be you!

Unfortunately, in the absence of a satisfactory explanation, failure to finish the course within the specified time will result in <insert sanction of choice here> as set forth in the company's disciplinary procedures, a copy of which is available here: <link to document referred to>

Thank you in advance for your cooperation.

Best regards

<Man who speak soft but carry big stick>


                                        ****************************


Using the employee's first name only (spelt correctly) as the salutation for this message will help to convey the impression of personal warmth and concern. Just pulling forenames and surnames from a database does precisely the opposite.

You want to get the workforce on side, but not at any cost. Having  clear policies and rules that are consistently enforced is in everyone's interest.
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freebeee01Author Commented:
Perarduaadastra,

Here's something I think you can help with since your good at it, and you helped me in the past.

http://www.experts-exchange.com/Networking/Security/Q_28507593.html
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