How do I configure external website to send mail through internal SMTP server?

The "reset password" email link on our new website is not working - it says an email has been sent to our company when it's clicked on, but no email is actually being sent.

The site is using Ablecommerce shopping cart, and is set to send mail use our web hosting provider's SMTP server.  It's been suggested that I try setting the site to use my company's internal SMTP server (SBS 2003 with Exchange 2003), but I don't know how to point it to that - do I use the server name?... or my public IP address?... or a combination of both?... and for the password I assume I just use any password I use internally that will authenticate on the server?
cricketmanAsked:
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Cris HannaConnect With a Mentor Commented:
The address you enter for your server would be the same as you use for owa.  something like mail.mydomainname.com or remote.mydomainname.com
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David Johnson, CD, MVPConnect With a Mentor OwnerCommented:
Log into Exchange 2003 server and start Exchange System Manager.     Expand the organization_name object, and then expand the Servers node. Expand the server_name object of the server on which you want to control mail relay, and then expand the Protocols node.     Expand the SMTP node, right-click the virtual SMTP server on which you want to control mail relay, and then click Properties  Click Relay.  In the Relay Restriction dialog box, several options are available. The Only the list below option is enabled by default; the list below this option is empty. Click Add. Enter the IP address of the server running your shopping cart. In the Relay Restrictions dialog box, click OK.  Click Apply, and then click OK in the Default SMTP Virtual Server Properties dialog box.
http://forums.kayako.com/threads/how-to-setup-windows-2003-and-exchange-2003-smtp-relaying.12411/
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cricketmanAuthor Commented:
No change.

I don't understand how that would help... wouldn't that only open the door for emails that are directed to my domain to then be relayed elsewhere by my server?  

The issue here is that when someone clicks on a link on my website - which is hosted on a server in CA - they are hoping to get an email sent to them at their email address informing them how to reset their password.  That email is never directed to my Exchange server.  The problem is that the customer is not getting the email - it doesn't appear to be sending.  

I've been told to set the website to use MY Exchange server to send that email instead of using my hosting provider's server to send it.  So I need to know what to put in the "SMTP Server Name" field on my website to make it use MY Exchange server to do the sending rather than using the hosting provider's SMTP server.  I assume just putting my Exchange server's NAME would not work - how the heck would it know what that name meant.  If I put my company's public IP would that work?
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David Johnson, CD, MVPOwnerCommented:
1. on your webserver you would put your exchange smtp address, a valid username and password.
2. on your exchange server you will have to allow the relay from your webservers ip address.
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