Response to Thumtabk

Hello everyone, I have subscribe to one of those website like Angy's list that send you leads in exchange for a commission. When they have a lead they send it to multiple professionals. Each professionals respond with their quote to the client. the client pick the best offer.
I need to put together a very well written generic and captivating script  to sent to a potential client. This script has the goal to give immediate trust to the potential client and well make him comfortable that I am very knowledge about what I am doing.

here is my draft: please feel free to make it better, thank you.

Hello my name is XXX. I understand that you are looking for some reliable and knowledgeable IT specialist that can help you with………
I am an IT Engineer who has been working in the IT field for more than 15 years and I have acquired a strong technical knowledge combined with a great customer service skill.  I will be more than happy to help you to resolve your technical problem. My rates are the following:
Driving to the client: $ xxx for the first hour $ xxx for any additional hours
Delivering Laptops/Desktops at my office: $ xxx per hour.
Based on the description of your issue I believe that the cost for this project will be approximately 2 hours for the total of $ xxx
Please, let me know what your thoughts are.
ItaliabellaAsked:
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JohnBusiness Consultant (Owner)Commented:
Some thoughts for your consideration:
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 here is my draft: please feel free to make it better, thank you.


 Hello. My name is XXX. I understand that you are looking for a reliable and knowledgeable IT specialist that can help you with………

I am an IT Engineer who has been working in the IT field for more than 15 years, and I have acquired strong technical knowledge and experience combined with great customer service skills.  I would be more than happy to help you resolve your technical problems. My rates are as follows:
 Driving to the client: $ xxx for the first hour $ xxx for any additional hours.
 Setting up and servicing Laptops and Desktops at my office: $ xxx per hour.

 Based on the description of your issue, I believe that the cost for this project will be approximately 2 hours for a total of $ xxx

 Please, let me know what your thoughts about the above proposal.
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ItaliabellaAuthor Commented:
Excellent ! Thank you.
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JohnBusiness Consultant (Owner)Commented:
You are very welcome and I was happy to help. Good luck with your proposal.
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