For instance, if I'm using Google or AOL or G mail, these are the only unknowns I want connecting to my computer.Can you post a useful sample of the "unknown" connections? Using any of those three is likely to give a fair number of "unknown" connections in order for them to work well (or perhaps at all).
I use Comm View (Tamosoft) but Wire Shark also works.
Comm View will show you the ports uses with the IP address.