Where should i focus to fix this query? (network... Query Design) need help

We have a datacenter that connects to another agency's datacenter.  It is connected by fiber and the throughput is substantial.   We have a query that uses linked servers (1 server at each datacenter) and we often times have problems with this query.  this query is the dataset for a highly used ssrs report.     I need help pinning down what the problem is.  The network team has run a connectivity test between the two sites and is telling me the circuit is good.  The reason i mention this is because the sql error that occurs references network problems.

Screenshot of error is attached.  Networkerror.jpg

I ran the query ten times in a row and watched the activity monitor.  it normally takes between 20 and 50 seconds to return the results of the query through management studio(ssms).  1 of those ten times resulted in the aforementioned network error.

I am trying to discern if the problem is related to the network, the design of the query, or not enough server resources for the sql servers in the mix of producting the results.
the activity monitor.jpg shows the activity monitor for this query (highlighed in blue).

My question is this.  Is the network error provided by sql server reliable?  Anything else on the design side that i should address?

Thanks guys

the query itself is below
declare @startdate datetime = dateadd(d,-1,getdate()), @enddate datetime = getdate()


SELECT I.Master_Incident_Number as 'Incident #'
      , I.Id
      , I.Address
      , I.Response_date as 'Date'
      , I.Response_Area
      , I.Problem
      , IsNull(SUBSTRING((SELECT TOP 1 L.Comment FROM Linked ServerCleansedforExpertsExchange L WITH(NOLOCK)
            WHERE L.Master_Incident_ID = I.ID and L.Activity = 'Initial Assignment'),CHARINDEX(': ',(SELECT TOP 1 L.Comment FROM Linked ServerCleansedforExpertsExchange L
            WHERE L.Master_Incident_ID = I.ID and L.Activity = 'Initial Assignment'))+2,LEN((SELECT TOP 1 L.Comment FROM Linked ServerCleansedforExpertsExchangeL
            WHERE L.Master_Incident_ID = I.ID and L.Activity = 'Initial Assignment'))),'No activity') as 'Recommended'
      , (SELECT TOP 1 L.Date_Time from Linked ServerCleansedforExpertsExchange L WITH(NOLOCK)
            WHERE L.Master_Incident_ID = I.Id and L.Activity = 'UserAction' and L.Comment = 'User clicked Initial Assign') as 'When_Clicked'
      , STUFF((SELECT ', ' + V.Radio_Name + IIF(V.Elapsed_Enroute_2_Arrival IS NOT NULL,' (' + V.Elapsed_Enroute_2_Arrival + ')','') FROM Linked ServerCleansedforExpertsExchange V WITH(NOLOCK) where V.Master_Incident_ID = I.ID ORDER BY V.Radio_Name FOR XML PATH('')),1,1,'') as 'Responding Unit(s)'
      , ISNULL((SELECT TOP 1 Dispatcher_Init FROM Linked ServerCleansedforExpertsExchange L WITH(NOLOCK) WHERE L.Master_Incident_ID = I.ID and Activity = 'Disp' ORDER BY Date_Time), 'No activity') as 'Dispatcher'
, (SELECT ID From LocalServerCleansedforExpertsExchange U WITH(NOLOCK) Where U.incId = I.ID) as 'LogId'
FROM Linked ServerCleansedforExpertsExchange I WITH(NOLOCK)
--WHERE I.Response_Plan <> '' and Response_Date > DateAdd(day,-1,GETDATE()) and I.Jurisdiction like 'Fire%'
WHERE I.Response_Plan <> '' and Response_Date BETWEEN @StartDate and @EndDate and I.Jurisdiction like 'Cleansed for Experts Exchange'
ORDER BY Response_Date DESC
Network-Error.JPG
activity-monitor.JPG